So here we are, a little over a week since Wyatt came into the world.
I truly cannot believe it’s been a week already. It has been one of those periods in time when the days melt into each other and you have hard time telling what day of the week it is...but in a good way. Coming home gave me SO much anxiety. I had planned to stay in the hospital as long as they would let me so that I could utilize all of the resources available, like the lactation specialist given the difficulties I had with breastfeeding with Holiday I woke up the day after Wyatt was born with an anxious heart, I was sweating and the anxiety was just oozing out of my pores. I laid there next to my sleeping baby repeating over and over that “this will pass” , got up took a shower, opened the blinds, anything to change the space that I was in. And then I waited, for my dr. come in. Part of my arsenal against postpartum depression was and is zoloft. I had been put on this medication a month after having Holiday and have continued to take it over the last two years, including throughout my pregnancy with Wyatt. The conversation I wanted to have with my Dr. was upping my dosage, along with adding in amino acid supplements to part of my daily routine. I had read a study at the beginning of my pregnancy that used amino acids to help compensate for the change in brain chemistry following giving birth. Thank God for my Dr. who is open to my suggestions about my care and truly listening to me. So the game plan was to up my dosage 25 mg and follow up with her in two weeks vs the normal 6 week postpartum visit. So we went home earlier than expected, because I just could not be away from Holiday any longer. I missed her sweet face SO much. The entire drive home that same anxiety from earlier pulsed through my veins. I kept looking in the rear view looking at my babies and bracing myself for walking into my home. And it was… home. I tiptoed around waiting for the darkness to envelop me. But watching my husband snuggled on the couch with all three kids brought me the kind of fulfillment that I didn't think possible. I have to say that this time around feels totally different. I have been making a conscious effort to keep my own needs in mind, keeping my tank full with good food and staying hydrated, praying and journaling, showering, the little things that you take advantage of when your world isn't turned completely upside down. After working extensively with a lactation specialist while in the hospital, I made the decision to forego breastfeeding…. Again. At first I was so disappointed that yet again I was not able to breastfeed, something that I wanted so badly to come naturally. But I also refused to send myself into a tailspin. So I decided to pump and supplement, just like I did with Holiday. Pumping sucks, it is so damn time consuming and I literally feel like a milk cow because I am attached to this damn pump every two to three hours. BUT it also allows for Steve to help with feedings and it is what works for me and what works for Wyatt. #fedisbest It truly feels like he has always been here in a way. Holiday adores him and he is I think one of the most laid back people I have ever known, sometimes he just stares into me with his big blue eyes and it's like we have known eachother forever. I was not prepared for this type of homecoming or second chapter with my second baby. I expected darkness and loneliness but with the help of my amazing support system, my phenomenal husband, and my babies who keep it all in perspective I am trekking my way through, and taking it one day at a time.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorFull time working mama, anxious /introvert & sometimes chronic over sharer. On the wild runaway train of raising a pre-teen stepdaughter, a sassy toddler and welcoming a newborn. Archives
February 2018
Categories |